Still alive. Household fine. Breathing. No internet, broken computer.

Got cute lesbian goth student housemate. Got prescription for hormones.

Really busy, and vaguely confused.

Sleeping a lot.

Busy busy busy.

Hey all.

We of Haus Bellwether are finding ourselves in need of a new house mate. We are searching for a rent paying, cooperative, communally oriented individual.

We have recently had a member begin to move on, and while they have vouched to continue paying rent until we can replace them, we'd really like to get someone A.S.A.P., rather than have them pay for space they are not using.

You may be a good match for us as a house mate if you are into: gardening, self sustainability, 420, sex work, geometry, art, Olympia Washington, "alternative" cultures, goth, rave, hippies, peace movements, transcendence, hedonism, responsibility, fun, forests, plants, psychedelia, queerness, trans-persons, intersexed people, women, keeping a clean and organized house, holistic and alternative health, peace and quiet, rock 'n' roll, metal, electronic music, interesting naturalist/bio-organic house decorations, feminine wiles, devil's advocacy, and DIY home repair or structure building, just to name a few things.

My particular desire is to score a cis-female individual in her 20's-ish, who is a Sagittarius, or has it factoring heavily into her chart.

Both the cis-female status, and being a Sag, are energies and realities we are trying to welcome into our heady mix of folk and funk, but not total necessities.

Beyond that, we prefer a feminine individual over masculine, female identified over anything else (though neuter or in the middle is preferred over male,) and some kind of fire sign over anything else. We want someone who is into magick and living spirituality rather than dabbling or out-right disinterest in these things, able to produce some kind of profitable living, a good conversationalist, communally oriented, hedonistic and responsible.

Really, though, anyone is totally valid for consideration, and you could arguably appeal to us with ease if you were just a downright wonderful and engaging person. If a water sign masculine male proves to mesh with us, we'd arguably go for them over someone who hit the "stats" we're after but just doesn't mix well.

So, does anyone want to live with these groovy cats at Haus Bellwether, or know anyone who does? We live in a nice fixer-upper house in Olympia Washington, and have a decent parcel of land in a relatively quiet and private spot. We like to occasionally throw house parties, work on our magick and art, are all considering returning to work and college, and are just downright nice people.

We're about to plant seeds for the new plants! (We're growing lettuce, and kale, and flowers, and...)

Let us know, folks.

(You can comment here, or email me at d.bellwether@gmail.com, where we can discuss details.)

Quickly:

The Hauswarming was AMAZING!!! Thank you everyone who came, or contributed energy in any way!

I'll be on a retreat from March 4th-12th, and will be unavailable to read/hear or answer phone calls or emails (or anything.)

Love you all, thanks!

~ D B ~

So, um.

Wow.

Uh, um, uhhhh.... wow.

So, like, I was all like, wow.

And then, all these things happened, and like, um, wow.

Um, this is the most amazing frustrating good hard time of my life ever.

Uh. Er. Um.

Wow.

Sooo...

Been venting a lot lately. I do that when I get exhausted.

When I posted yesterday, all that about my kiddos draining me, about being punished for being made a leader, I just needed to vent.

I had been up for over a week, without a full night's sleep, working working working... Also just had no green to smoke, my Goddesses and Spirits have withdrawn all my old coping methods, so that the things I had been avoided would catch up with me. As soon as I learn to deal, I'll get my toys and old friends back. (Maybe I'll get topped by someone, finally! Masturbation sure has gotten bland. Sigh.)

Really though, something that bothered me all day, was that I posted that I never get thanked properly, or helped and healed in return by the people I heal, or am sent to heal. This is really not totally true. I would really like to point out that my extended shamanic magicky family in the south bay of SF (as well as a few people in SF,) actually gained my love and trust simply by saying "Thank You," and giving back exactly equal measure for what I put in.

I cannot scoff at ANY help I've ever been given by ANYONE. Please forgive me, my loves.

I love you all, please, don't let me forget to appreciate you. I must never forget the prayer "Thank You."
( working it all out )

Bleah.

You know, I've been in really a better mood much of the time lately.

I'm just so burnt from being so busy.

Even the strongest and most developed amongst our shaman-kin are hurt, walking in the dark with a lit match, and sick sick sick.

I'm surrounded by mewling cats, begging me to heal them. When I ask them to follow my lead, for the sake of making it work for me, making so I can heal them without killing myself in the process, they bite and bitch me out.

I thought I made it clear that I'm fallible, only less hurt and damaged than them. I've simply learned to live with pain more, I wish they would stop begging me to bleed myself out.

Its like this almost every time I'm asked to heal one of them. Goddess, why can't any of them I've met in the past years since getting "turned on" respect that I need help nearly as much as they? I get looked up to like a leader, and when I actually lead, I get attacked for being what they begged for.

I pray for the strength and health to do this.

Please, Ladies, send me some help.

*cough cough*

Die, son of Adam

Die for the sake of humanity

Castration is too good

Your skin should be peeled

And hand fed to you by screaming harpies

By a Toxic sunset

Irradiated rape scene

Sit on my crucifix blade

And empty your wallet

Bleeding out

Scream, son of bastard god

Die, Die for my needs

Face disillusionment

At the hands of the sweetest pussy

You'll never live up to

Die, son of Adam

Die for my pleasure and love

May you be unmade

May your balls be fed to my children

Your lines go barren

May you never see another sunrise

Die for the sake of every raped mother

And torn Whore

Delight in this penance

And your name be shattered

Unmade

And every book ever bearing your burden

Burned

Forgotten

Destroyed

Its happening.

I've had the wanderlust for weeks now, and have been eager to feel the road beneath my wheels.

We've hung on, and tied up many loose ends, seen more of the area in a few weeks than I think we had in months.

Now we're feeling pushed, pushed out of the City. Things get stolen and lost, ventures set out upon turn in on themselves, no goal is within reach.

The car has some repairs done. There's a few things left to do, and they must happen within the next 24 hours or so, or they simply will not happen.

My phone just got lost. I'll be off the internet.

Tani's phone works. Still, I feel us disappearing. We won't see you again for a while, until we do, if you live around or in SF.

Some of you, I will look up during my travels. Hopefully, there will be good stories.

Thanks for reading.

~ Dee ~

Sigh.

You know, I've been dealing with people who really just don't seem to "get it." Without going into details, I just have to say, I really think the folk we were just living with need to absorb the words "homeless transsexual prostitutes" in their final dealings with us.

I mean, honestly, they are showing all of the signs of expecting us to have a middle class life to fall back on, instead of facing the reality that we have almost no money, and will very soon live in a car again. That we have a trail of debt behind us, few prospects for income, and are essentially traveling holy people who are not allowed to own much of anything, such as things like bank accounts and mailing addresses, which we have when we're lucky.

Fortunately, I think we have a referee to go between us and them. I am so sick of the fighting.

Please please PLEASE Universe, let this situation end fully, and soon!



In more pleasant and pragmatic news, we need to get rid of a bunch of really nice stuff! We also need to store a bunch of things.

In the next week, we are going to have a number of items, clothing, ritual supplies, books and other neat doo-dads to be rid of, and if anyone in who reads this is in the SF/bay area, and would like some stuff, feel free to comment as such, and we'll let you know what we've got.

We also would really like to find a place to store a few boxes of ritual supplies and other necessities for city life. Does anyone have a storage shed or spare spot of space in their home that we could hide them in? It would be a real favor, and we prefer to match favor for favor given the chance.



Coping with my anger and depression, dancing into the light, finding the bliss again. Soon, this will all be behind us.

This happens.

Periodically, like clockwork in a clock that measures time relatively.

I get depressed.

Not the chronic non-stop-never-end blackness of my childhood, of my abused teenage self.

No, this is the moment, between my manifestations, between my stories, between adventures, when I'm just about to leave a place, and say good bye to the people I cannot keep. This is a depression that wells up whenever I have to look at too many faces for the possible last time, to round up too many pieces of business before I hit too many miles of road.

This is the depression that gets me to ask:

"Who am I (anymore)? What am I doing with my life? What are the objects of my passion and desire that burn within me, filling me with purpose beyond any doubt or question?"

I suddenly find myself having a serious identity crisis every time it feels like a place we were living, trying to build a life, just doesn't "work out."

San Francisco, east bay, friends and associates and nemisis' who we have made here, we are about to say "Goodbye," and disappear from all of their, your, lives.
( Read more... )

Excellent!

I am not going to reveal much about my current location, as it just feels right at the moment, but we do indeed have a place for rent for two weeks!

Still in the east bay, in a much nicer spot, we're in a small loft in a house that is in as much transition as we are right now. The loft was raised to make another bedroom when this was more of a punk rock traveler pad (and possibly a pseudo squat for some,) and is actually coming down toward the end of October.

Its a perfect situation, and while there is some tricky business with a housemate, our cat and allergies, I get the sense that he may be able to stay with us for the two weeks.

The rent is totally just right and manageable, and the conditions are perfect here for us to heal, recollect our lives, find out what's next, and really just take a breath in a peaceful environment.

This is perfect. Universe, THANK YOU!!!

~ Dorian Scarlet ~

So.

We got kicked out of the place we were staying.

There was drama.

Its over, and the last thing I want to waste my life on is gossiping or holding a grudge. Some shit happened, and I'm starting to realize that my spiritual taboos about maintaining the wandering life just need to be stuck to.

So, staying happy and pragmatic:

Tani and I are still looking for a place to be. We want to rent, crash on couches, visit friends, have lunch, and find a place to keep our cat.

Friends and readership, if you are in the SF or bay region, let us know if you hear about

1) A room to rent

2) A place to keep our cat temporarily (we have one temporary spot, that will last this week-ish)

3) A place a car can be left idle while we make money to fix her.

We find out tonight if this one arrangement we are looking at will work for a time.

Current speculations about what to do next in general include renting a motel room by the week in SF, in order to bathe, work and crash, as well as having a nice drive through northern Cal in order to check out a TG Pagan settlement I just heard about, who has a four day Samhain event.

Think we should fix the car first.

We are safe, happy and free.

Anyone in the area want to hang out?

Puke!

Okay, I'm totally ripping off Warren Ellis here, but honestly, if he wants to take this and post it in his journal as one of the "Conan..." posts, I fully support it.

Warning, this is one of the grossest, funniest things I've ever scene. I just kind of needed cheering up, and this really did it.

Goddess, I feel like a 5 year old laughing at poop. Well, its best to remain as innocent as a child, is it not?

( don't blame me if you hit this link )

Just discovered an awesome Cthulu oriented tech-occult-nerd blog linked off of Warren Ellis' blog.

www.ectomo.com

I just have to say, its very entertaining for a pop occultist such as myself.

Enjoy the ravening madness!

~ Dorian ~

My girlfriend just celebrated my 2nd year anniversary with my primary partner, someone who has been like a wife to me, by performing burlesque for us.

She danced, shook her shit, created beauty and eloquence, stripped, and made us laugh and smile and scream.

Oh, and then there were her fellow burlesque stars, who were mind blowing and really quite good at what they do.

Hot babes, being silly and fun, performing sexy ass bluesy erotic comedy, all challenging the main stream conception of sex and what is attractive. Oh, and being fucking raunchy.

The MC actually announced our anniversary when Ophelia went on stage. I was so caught off guard, I didn't know what to do.

After her dance, I sat with a sweet babe on each arm, my life partner, and my glorious romantic friend.

And squealed and yelled and cried out for the amazing hot women on stage.

The whole experience was like a blow out consciousness-gasm.

I believe I have been granted access to Heaven.

Shit damn wow.

I am so thankful for my life.

Holy Omigawdess,

I so just needed to write about something positive, and boy howdy have I got the news!

I've been mostly very busy in the past few months, and was not getting very many moments of sociality. I finally wedged in a little time to start messing about with OK Cupid (which I scoffed at for years,) and started having a go at dating some bay area women.

I noticed that this fine and lovely lady had looked at me (you can check on the site,) and I read her profile. I saw that she was not only quite a lovely femme, but was basically living the life I wanted to be.

What really raised my eyebrow, was that she was also of Roma (Gyspy) descent, and basically living life as a circus girl, of a sorts.

Lady dances and strips burlesque, performing bawdy comedy while actually putting her years of dances and theater training to good use!

Reading up on her life, and seeing that she was also a witch and Pisces, as well as a very watery woman, I took the chance of contacting her, and seeing if she wanted a coffee.

Her response was far sweeter than I was expecting.
( Read more... )

Your result for The Supervillain Archetype Test...

The Megalomaniac

Take The Supervillain Archetype Test at HelloQuizzy

Are we really surprised?

What differentiates me from the examples they had of super villains, is that I don't waste a lot of time gloating when I crush my enemies.

I am so badass.

Ha ha ha!

A post.

It has been a long while since I have both had the time, and felt the motivation.

Life has become a grueling slog regarding settling into a new house, healing and recuperating, and the very trying daily grind of becoming a self supporting business woman.

There has been drama, sickness, joy and discovery. There has been so much experience I can barely begin to recount or relate, so much so, that I find myself becoming mute about my life. I rarely discuss what I am going through, feeling or thinking with much of anyone, save for my partner, t_bellwether.

I have had so many experiences in social interactions, and had my energy and attention so grabbed up by switching the focus of my awareness and life into the material world, that I often have to ask myself "is it worth it to let this person I am speaking to in on what's going on in my life, my heart or my head?" Increasingly, the answer is no, no.
( Read more... )

Okay. Has anyone out there seen the series of "Upright Citizen Brigade" jokes and skits about astronauts?

Like, they created a scenario in which astronaut discrimination was rampant as racism and homophobia in previous times (like, culturally sanctioned across the board,) and did a lot of skits with chest-bursting aliens killing astronauts, and out of work astronauts having to work pyramid schemes to stay afloat, or being considered worse to have in your neighborhood than registered pedophiles.

"If you don't like it here on Earth, then why don't you just leave! Stupid astro-nazi!"

"I will NOT have your moon cheese baby with you, you hot, glistening hunk of astrojerk!"

Or something like that.

I couldn't stop thinking of that while I read this. FYI, the response of the Nasa PR agent was nearly as funny, largely because it actually got said in the media, and not from the lips of Discordian style guerrilla theater freaks.

http://www.blueblood.net/2008/07/famous-astronaut-kerrang-alien-ufo/

http://www.uprightcitizens.org/



Link to the BEST of their astronaut skits:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK-30442RII

The first time I saw UCB, it was this skit, and I peaking on windowpane.

I was never the same. Thank Goddess.



Fuck. Reality is funny.

Gawdess, these things are so cheesy, but its a nice piece of gender fuck cultural artifact, and it actually proved to be challenging and sophisticated about it, while being simple and fun.


http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-boy-or-girl-test


http://www.helloquizzy.com/results/the-boy-or-girl-test/?fromCGI=1&var_Correct=10


A lot of these people had me "fooled" (I guessed incorrectly,) which says something, considering my highly effective "tranny radar." I mean, I just know how to pick my kin out better than most of the populace, and I still only got 71% right.

I think these are a bunch of persons in drag, and you're guessing what they are living as most of the time. Or else, it was what they ID'd as, or something. Its not totally clear, but it sure made me think, and loose some of my jaded assumptions about queerness. (Hey, we all pick them up if we're at it long enough.)

Have fun!